Five Poems by CLS Sandoval

 

Amidst the Crowd 

 

Perhaps, if I did not have to conform, 

If I could do the things which I wish to do, 

And if there were no boundaries to live within, 

If only these words could leap from this page, 

And become reality... 

 

Hoards of others; strangers and friends, 

Swarming, smiling, speaking to me, 

Yet, the only sound in my ear is your voice, 

The only sight that exists, 

Is that glint of sun in your eyes, reflecting me... 

 

Amidst those who do not know, 

And very few that do, 

Our secret love weaves its web, 

Joining your heart, 

And mine. 

 

 

Away From you 

 

I cannot have your touch, 

So my mind explores 

Memories of it. 

 

I cannot see your smile, 

So my imagination creates 

That art upon your face. 

 

I cannot hold your body, 

So I embrace 

My own. 

 

I cannot feel your breath 

Upon my throat, 

So I write. 

 

I write and I write and I write…  

I fill pages and pages and… 

Napkins and paper towels and… table cloths… 

 

Perhaps this will satiate 

My need for you, 

Maybe not. 

 

 

Blank 

 

This blank page stares at me, pleading to be satisfied by my pen. 

My pen is full and ready, my mind empty and used.   

I have not clever prose to unravel on my page. 

I have neither intriguing poetry nor any sonnets. 

Even my practical lists run short. 

I will not satisfy this paper. 

My thoughts and dreams have stalled. 

They refused to be revealed. 

I inhale my smoke and blow it out, pondering what to do. 

Perhaps, I shall allow the pen to feel its way across this sheet,  

in hopes that something will come of it. 

Then again, what good is my incessant blabber? 

 

 

 

Daily Impact 

 

You cannot divorce  

yourself from  

who you are,  

yet my inter subjectivity  

can distance myself  

from me.   

This wound you have imposed  

upon my soul is  

uglier than anything I have ever encountered,  

yet I am the liar  

in the public’s view.   

Why couldn’t you have slit my skin  

to drain me of some of this blood  

that you have now poisoned?   

Others would understand  

if I had some external scar,  

because they could see some evidence  

of this pain  

that you continue to cause me.   

The walls are closing in,  

while the mountains  

are growing more massive.   

The hurdles trip me up. 

Time slows to a crawl.   

I will never get ahead  

while locked in this prison.   

So many things remain  

unavailable  

and contentment  

exists only outside of  

myself. 

 

 

 

Effects of my Betrayal 

 

 

Your fingers caress my cheek. 

Just like before. 

My smile reflects yours. 

Nothing has changed. 

I giggle and hug you. 

Everything is the same. 

You envelop me in your embrace. 

All is well. 

We talk and laugh. 

There isn’t anything different. 

I take your hand. 

Nothing is wrong. 

We lie down together. 

Everything is fine. 

Your hand strokes my body. 

You can never know. 

We pull each other close. 

Heat builds inside of me, knowing the truth. 

Our passion builds and builds. 

Tears fall from my eyes, hating myself. 

Closer and closer we become. 

Although it is my dirty secret, you feel what I have done. 

We make love for one last time. 

Silently, your heart rejects mine. 

In your eyes, I see his. 

You know of my betrayal. 

 

CLS Sandoval, PhD (she/her) is a pushcart nominated writer and communication professor with accolades in film, academia, and creative writing who speaks, signs, acts, publishes, sings, performs, writes, paints, teaches and rarely relaxes.  She has presented over 50 times at communication conferences, published 15 academic articles, two academic books, three full-length literary collections, three chapbooks, as well as flash and poetry pieces in several literary journals.  She is raising her daughter and dog with her husband in Alhambra, CA.