Pet Shop Boys - Flash Fiction by Alex Antiuk

Pet Shop Boys

Flash Fiction - by Alex Antiuk

 

I live in the basement of an old, smelly pet shop. All around me there are fish-tanks and other glass contraptions where the residents live. They flop around and get fed twice a-day. The basement is remarkably warm and there is always this peculiar scent. It reminds me of the garbage pond they found me in, except there aren’t any other turtles and I don’t get to munch on soda cans in the afternoon.

“This is Joseph…” Mark, the owner of the shop always said. He would lead customers into the basement and the first thing they would notice was me. 

I’d been given free-range of the basement, baring I didn’t bite anyone. It seemed a fair trade off because I was well fed and the room never got too cold. This was a luxury because before they found me I had to live through all the seasons, and when the garbage pond was covered with ice I always got the shivers.

“He’s harmless!” Mark said to a young family. There was a mom and her daughter, and they were looking at the fish.

The fish and I never spoke. I’ve always wanted to ask them how they were doing, but the one time I tried to yell up towards them, all they did was swim in a big circle and ignore me.

It seemed like everyone ignored me when the shop closed. 

Mark would shut off the lights but the room was never dark. There was an endless slew of neon coming from the tanks and a permanent night light in the lizard cage.

I’d met one of the lizards once when he escaped his cage. But he spoke this odd, lizard language and seemed more interested in running around like a maniac than striking up a conversation. 

“Morning!” Mark said to me the next day. He flung on the lights and put a large helping of dried mush, some greens and a bit of straw for me to add to my bed. It was the same breakfast I got everyday, but I didn’t mind. It always left me with a full belly and enough nutrients to roam around the basement. 

I would typically wait for the first customers to arrive before getting my cardio in. Mark had told me part of the deal was I wander up and down the room while they were open. I enjoyed exercise as it helped the day go faster, and I would get my steps in by going on different routes each day.

This morning I took a right at the lizards, looked at the snakes for a few minutes - the snakes are notoriously rude animals, and have never once bothered to say good morning - before heading back around the endless slew of fish tanks. I liked most of the fish, but in-particular I always had my eye on Fishy. 

Fishy was a beautiful, green fish who always made me smile. He would swim in all directions and always put on a show when I’d pass by. His tank was closest to the ground - because he was a relatively cheap fish - and he would look at me with his two giant eyes and smile. He had remarkably sharp teeth, and I knew part of his lack of interest from customers was because he ate everything that plopped into his tank.

Mark knew this but due to space constraints still had to add the occasional fish into Fishy’s tank. 

I’d always move as fast as possible towards Fishy when Mark dropped off a new fish, but by the time I moved over there Fishy would typically have already eaten them.

It created quite the conundrum for Mark, but he did his best. Mark was a kind man, who saved not only me but a slew of the other basement dwellers. He’d find us in garbage ponds or lakes, or lying near death, cooking in the open sun of the sidewalk.

Mark treated all of us well and really made sure we were purchased by good people. The only animal Mark didn’t care about were the goldfishes, and that’s because nine times out of ten they died in the small, plastic bag they came in before they even reached their new homes.

“Do you have any predators?” An old man said to Mark one afternoon. 

The man was wearing camo shorts and big, muddy boots. He had on a big, camo hat and didn’t shave. His leg hair was also out of control and formed a mushroom cloud of hair above his socks. 

“Yes, sir! This is a…” Mark said, pointing at Fishy. 

My heart sank the moment I heard him. This would mean the end of my crush and what felt like a future of loneliness.

Turtles often lived for too long. This was what Mark told me one afternoon, but he said it as a positive. I knew this wasn’t true, particularly for someone who ended up in a pet shop, and not one of those mythical lands known as zoo’s. I’d overheard some guests talking about them and they sounded like heaven. A place where turtles and other creatures were well fed, could roam free and interact with all sorts of other turtles on a daily basis. It seemed too good to be true, and being a grounded person myself, I didn’t let my fantasies bother me too much.

“I’ll take em’.” The old man said. 

Mark smiled and scurried towards the plastic bags.

He grabbed the fish scooper as well and I felt my eyes beginning to welt. Here I was, locked in the basement and soon to be all alone. Mark moved swiftly and I felt the tears come into my dry eyes, until I heard the old man say, “How about this guy? He for sale?” Mark turned and looked at me, and said, “Sorry… He isn’t.” Mark’s words stung straight through me, and for the first time I realized what I truly was.

I was a prisoner and moving as fast as I could I decided I’d act. I had no desire to be alone forever and I hoped by showing the old man my predatory traits, I could get him to make a bid Mark couldn’t pass up.

But my speed had always been an issue and Mark was moving too fast. I would never be able to catch him, but I still headed straight towards Fishy’s tank. Because Mark dipped the little, blue fishnet.

He soon had Fishy in a small plastic bag, and I noticed Fishy looked gorgeous. He was shining in the light and I felt myself becoming hot and heavy. I’d never seen him out of the water before and he looked like a model. I felt my breathing become heavy and I didn’t even process the horror of what was occurring.

Mark handed Fishy over to the man and the moment he did, I knew I had to act. Fishy was meant to be my soulmate and I wasn’t going to let him escape. I ended up directly in-front of the shopper and I made sure the old man tripped. 

He flung Fishy straight through the air and I watched the bag plop down only a few inches away.

Mark quickly apologized to the man and sprinted to grab Fishy. Fishy’s bag was leaking water and Fishy was in shock and paralyzed. I decided I’d defend Fishy with my life, because love was the strongest thing on earth. It was even stronger than my shell.

I stood my ground for a brief moment, until I saw Fishy flopped out of the bag. He was hobbling straight towards me and I wondered if we’d finally kiss. He looked magical and I knew he thought the same of me. He winked a few times and landed directly in-front of my mouth.

This was the moment I’d been waiting for and without hesitation I leaned in. My mouth was as dry as the desert but it didn’t matter. The sparks were flying all around but when I opened my mouth the most unexpected thing happened. 

I accidentally took a big chomp out of Fishy’s head, and he stopped flopping. He was now gone and frying in my stomach acid, and I wanted to cry. My one true love had ended up decapitated on the floor of a pet-shop.

 But the tears dried when I realized how delicious he was. He tasted like a million dollar steak and I wondered if this was what love really was. If it was just a feeling that came and went, but in its height struck you with such force it sent you back into your shell with a big, fat smile on your face.

I didn’t wait another second and ate the rest of Fishy quickly. I let out a slight burp and headed back towards my water bowl to wash him down. 

Life was good at that moment and I thought who needs a zoo. I was well fed and warm, and Mark didn’t seem too mad. But I soon realized why, when he shook hands with the old man before grabbing me by the belly, and throwing me into a big, cardboard box with a few air holes cut into the top.

Alex Antiuk is from New York. Their writing can be found in Misery Tourism, Expat Press and other places online. They can be found @letsbamboobaby on Twitter.