To the one I let go
You’d be 27 now,
by my reckoning.
Maybe you’d have my nose
and nihilistic sense of humour,
or your father’s dark eyes
and wavy hair.
Maybe you’d love books,
(we both did).
I once had a dream,
on your 14th phantom birthday
that I found you in a library.
You searched the shelves
and adjusted books
in orderly rows,
(another quirk
I passed onto you).
I watched your hands,
so much like mine,
caress the volumes,
and your shoulders tense
as you grew impatient
in your search,
and as you turned,
I saw your profile,
clean, pure, and lovely.
I opened my mouth
to say your name —
and woke to find
myself alone.
Wherever you are,
I hope you know
I’ll always love you,
in spite of my selfishness,
and need for solitude,
and though I am still here
earthbound and wistful,
I hope you’re out there
riding comets to those
mysterious spaces
between the stars.
You are so much more
than I could ever give you.
II: The High Priestess
(Rider Waite Tarot)
Persephone is hoarding
all the pomegranates.
I know she’s unhappy.
The trees were pruned
back this year,
branches blessed
with golden leaves
but no fruit to harvest.
She sits between two pillars.
White means stay.
Black means go,
and the lunar sickle by her foot
is upright for reasons
that escapes me.
The whole scenario is,
as they say “sus”,
especially when she takes me
by the hand, bends down
and whispers into my ear,
“Call me Pamela.”
Marie C Lecrivain is a poet, publisher, and ordained priestess in the Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica, the ecclesiastical arm of Ordo Templi Orientis. She currently curates two literary blogs: Dashboard Horus: A Bird’s Eye of the Universe (travel themed poetry and art), and Al-Khemia Poetica: A Women’s Art and Literary Journal. Her work has been published in California Quarterly, Chiron Review, Gargoyle, Nonbinary Review, Orbis, Pirene's Fountain, and many other journals. She's the author of several books of poetry and fiction, and editor of Ashes to Stardust: A David Bowie Tribute Anthology (2023 Sybaritic Press, www.sybpress.com).
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