Jesus Wept
Jesus
wept.
But
he never had a son.
If
he had
then
he might have known the pain
of
losing one.
Jesus
got to meditate in the garden.
There’s
no time for that left now
in
this chaotic world.
Full
of everything
and
nothing.
Sad
and torn apart.
Need
a brand new start.
An
ocean of hope.
Wish
blessings for days and years.
Promise
me.
No.
I’ll
save the tears.
Words
mean little.
Ties
are broken
left
behind.
Sorting
out the mess
for
what seems like eternity.
Step
into tomorrow
with
one foot
left
in yesterday.
Time
means nothing anyhow.
Together
or alone,
we
are still a long way from home.
Mind
works for me.
I’m
still always me.
And
who is for me.
Or
against me?
Still, love is a beautiful thing.
The
other mystery death
on
the other hand.
You
can keep it for yourself.
Wish
I never knew it.
But
it rules my life.
Trying
hard to understand it.
But
it’s a plague running wild.
Jesus
don’t weep.
Give
us answers we can live with.
Hope
and belief.
I’ll
say a prayer to Jesus.
Please
control my mind.
Teach
it not to wander far,
From
what my soul’s trace
has left behind.
Flashback Forever
Pain
is inspiration not sought after.
Wished
to coast along through this
good
life.
With
misfortune on the other side of
the
river.
Unscathed
by circumstance beyond
my
control.
But
it was not meant to be.
Looking
for the bright side of the
lessons
learned.
Don’t
tell me again how he is
in
a better place.
Tell
me how to fill the hole in my heart
and
swim up to the surface
out
of the depths of despair.
There
is no replacing unconditional love
cut
short well before its time.
A
sixteen- year old sapling
growing
strong.
On
his way to great things
in
the future.
Hard
to take the long hike ever again now
with
only a shadow by my side.
You
are the someone always missing.
Still hear your voice in my mind.
All
the time.
Talking
about all the things that
caused
you wonder.
Still
have your detailed notes taken
from
your last day at school.
As
if the world wouldn’t stop turning
in
the middle of the night.
As
if breathing into your adult life was
your
God given right.
Didn’t
get a chance to say good night
one
last time.
So
I’ll say now I’ll see you again.
And
believe it will happen.
Heartbreak
was the only thing that
awoke
the next morning.
When
I found out you were already
long
gone in flight.
Now
peace is found in eternity.
Promise
me there was no panic or pain
at
the final hour,
when
time on this earth stopped forever
for
both of us.
And
a lifetime of love drifted off
into
the unknown.
Never
to be seen in the same form again.
Father & Son
I
am you.
You
are me.
Still
living.
beat
to beat.
Traveling
with me,
minute
to minute.
Making
your wishes known,
then
disappearing.
Temporarily.
Until
a moment
must
be recognized.
Overcome.
Listened
to.
Heard.
Honoured.
Gotten
through.
The
world keeps moving,
never
fully understood.
Communicate
across levels,
just
as we should.
Love
never dies.
My
son
lives
in me.
Soul
conscious.
Awake.
So
much more
than
a memory.
Secret Portal
So
much more
than
flesh and bones.
In
a dream.
We
are here.
Or
not.
Conscious.
Awake.
Sleeping.
Living
and dying
over
and over again.
When
did it start?
Will
it ever end?
Why
pretend
we
know less
or
more?
Keep
moving,
in
an infinite space.
Can’t
replace.
Love
is lost.
But
never gone.
Seek
to find.
Stay
in place.
Run
the race.
Birth
to home.
And
back again.
Death
is not forever.
Eternity
is a circle,
in
the secret portal
of
our mind.
Robert Pegel is a father and husband whose only child, his son Calvin, died four years ago. Calvin was 16 and died in his sleep from unknown causes. Robert writes poetry now to attempt to make sense of loss, grief and life’s unimaginable challenges. Robert graduated from Columbia University where he majored in English.
Robert has been published in Trouvaille Review, Bluepepper, Ariel Chart, Down
in the Dirt, and Unique Poetry. He has work upcoming in Last Leaves and
Adelaide.
Robert
lives in Andover NJ with his wife, Zulma and their Min Pin dog, Chewy.
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