my poem
I
Dedicate this tale to Arthur Bloomfield
A
grand creative writer
And
as true creators are very supportive of other writers
Thanks
for publishing me some years ago .....
‘REBIRTH’
A
flickering fluorescent light
Morse
code in its intent
Can’t
quiet make out what it’s saying
Something
about Rebirth it seems
I’m
hurtling down a Asylum corridor
Strapped
too tight on a cold sheet less Gurney
Inducement
drugs pumping into both of my arms
Being
pushed up and down
By
two raucous orderlies
Each
one standing at one end of the passageway
Thrusting
their arms out shoving the trolley
Throwing
their heads back chortling
One
says to the other
Pushing
the trolley off fast
‘’I
be XY’’
‘’That
what I be’’
Propelling
the trolley back
The
other responds
‘’I
be XX’’
‘’Better
than thee’’
Another
hard push
XY
answers
‘’Maybe
I have something truly wonderful for thee’’
Thrusting
me back
XX
answers coyly
‘’Maybe
who knows what fate will be’’
They
cackling together raises a cacophony
Like
hyenas caught in a closing ring of raging fire
Unbearable
vibrations scratching my eardrums
They
then begin to spit on me
Murky
showers of saliva
Raining
on me
Torrential
falls all over my body
Soaking
the gurney overflowing
Creating
multi coloured streams
Cascading
through the corridor
Cockroaches
discarded patient identity bands
Float
with cigarette butts sailing around the legs
Of
the empty benches
Dropped
magazines starting to dam up the flow
Then
the spit they sprout
Turns
to molecules
Molecules
of Chromosome 3
Absorbing
into my body
Transforming
my form
Melting
the very sense of myself
They
then return to shunting me
Up
and down the corridor
When
suddenly coming down from the ceiling
Are
two industrial grappling hooks
They
attach with a screeching noise
To
the rails of my gurney above my head
This
lifts the trolley upright
Strapped
tight standing
I
suddenly observe XY to the side in shadows
He
is of those shadows barely distinguishable
His
outline all I see as if it was drawn by crayon
Smudged
his opaque penumbra
He
has a remote controller in his hand
In
the oblique shifty stance of a fiendish attendant
Battling
with his inner demons at large
He
with a lifted stone from his path to throw
His
psyche trembling
His
demons holding a crumbling mountain
Just
above his head
Inside
his shaking outlined body
I
perceive all within his form
Chaotic
kaleidoscope absurd shadows swirling
His
eyes are the only solid thing
They
appear as sulphide marbles
With
a image of myself encased within its centre
I
see myself moving about inside his eyes
I am
painting an image of his souls sight
I am
developing those visual elements
Line
space mass colour
To
brush in perspective emotions and moods
Moral
reactions and the most grand
Empathy
and grace
Finishing
them dropping my easel
It
slides off his eyelashes
I have
by fated chance uncovered his spiteful Animus
The
final unmasking of a masked man
An
appalling pentimento seeps through
I
have under estimated the pitch dark depths of his persona
Dank
painted elements emerge from within my image
“Why
this imposing imagery”
“A
calamitous havoc”
“A
assured destruction of everything”
I
hear my internal dialogue screaming
It
is a burning down of every Utopia
Igniting
the fragrances of Nature
Insects
spliced together exploding
Like
jumping jacks fireworks
Nature
sprites spiralling up taller than mountains
Screaming
for Famine and Blight
Their
throats bulging near to rupturing
Vomiting
poisons over all the lands
Creating
massive crop failures
A
great hunger for this world depicted
I
can yet hear the screaming chorus of the unfed
Retarded
children angels
Sniffing
left in dirty beds alone
I
see animals devouring themselves
Birds
catapulting hard into the ground
Fish
leaving the sea massed squirming on the shores
Smeared
faecal matter in all its shades the decimated sky
The
world as it was in all its unbalanced ways
This
the Last sunset
Then
I can see no more till
The
world closes like a immense book
There
is something on the spine
I
can not understand
Regardless
there is some remembrance
Mixed
with a strange enticing bewilderment
A
Language far away from primal gestures
Not
from a fossil record’s suggested neural systems
Hardly
to arise from the stance of stags lions or birds
Amorphous
shapes with dissecting lighted angles
Piecing
definite intentional streaking
Over
what seems
Patterned
dotted rainbows psychedelic Braille
With
blots blobs and daubs to the ends of the spine
Amongst
intriguing divine intricate sparkles of lines
Is
this the words of earths future inhabitants
If
at all letters
The
phonetics ambiguities meanings unimaginable
Nothing
for Darwin’s spirit to finally get to
Nothing
for linguists here to endlessly argue about
Then
the front board and back board separate
Opening
out covering the entire world
Just
a enormous spreading stain is all to see
Across
the dead planet seeping into the tectonic plates
A
Rorschach test it appears to me now
I
see a planetary wasteland doomed forever
For
whatever that is within the soil
Flys
over it
Walks
or crawls on this earth
I
see its absence obviously in the ink
Or
maybe as I look deeper
A
image of myself as a child sobbing
A
ancient bronze nail through my shoe
As I
was eagerly stepping out to feel the sun
After
winters hard chill had finally left
The
book slams shut loudly
XY
jumps in fright
His
eyes look like they have been staring
At
the brightest brightest light
Then
those very eyes were suddenly pitched into darkness
This
darkest of deepest dark upon them
Now
seen exciting his over opened gaze
As
he manically grasps the controller
XX
stands a little apart from him
I
see her in the phantom asylum light
She
stands under a illuminated lamp
Smoking
a cigarette
Blowing
smoke rings
Poking
her finger through the billowing circles
Blowing
the smoke away then smoke rings again
Disinterested
detached
Seemingly
bored by the happenings
Yawning
now looking at her nails
Staring
at her wristwatch
Silently
imploring time to race
Counting
flies buzzing attracted by the lamp
Tapping
her foot to a unheard dance tune
She
moves her head rhythmically
And
appears temporarily somewhere else
When
her cigarette smoke reaches me
It
becomes a acrid nicotine fog
As I
peer into the toxic mist
She
has altered
I
see her in dimness then clearer light
Observing
her it appears through a brass porthole
The
sounds of the sea is on me
Waves
breaking over my mind
Spindrift’s
swirling blown by roaring winds frame my viewing
There
is sand grinding between my toes
Then
wind now blows a stray beach umbrella covering XX
She
braids herself to the umbrellas shaft
Transforming
it to a Breaking Catherine wheel
Ever
increasing dramatically in size and distress
I
hear the sound of splintering bone
The
creaking of dry spokes of wooden wheels
The
hungry calls of oncoming scavenging birds
XX
screaming my body shakes
This
combined shrill will forever inhabit my life
Becoming
entranced staring at its centre Hub
The
darkest of blood stains bubbling there
I
black out into a sweet oblivion
Then
only rest I’ve had found in this unconscious state
If
only for a moment it seeming eternal
When
the smell of acrylics awakes first my nostrils
Then
my nose is tapped rhythmically
With
a cold Ferrule the umbrellas tip
It’s
cold Pongee high grade polyester terrifies me
Awakens
me in a start
Blinking
my eyelashes in disbelief
The
beach umbrella disappears
I
now see that she is now pegged on a clothesline
She
appears to me on a line
Tied
from a swaying tree
To
the side of a dilapidated house
Emerging
from its stone chimney
The
moon behind her rises
The
shoulders of her uniform held up
Her
arms half winged in the wind
To
and fro she is blown
Her
body a pinned rag doll
On a
dire fraying rope clothesline
The
portal transforms to a microscope
My
vision now is swinging on a swing
From
macroscopic to microscopic
In
microscopic I observe sinews
The
muscles of rodents and moths
Entwined
in that homemade rope
There
are paint freckles from the houses walls
All
through the strands
In
macroscopic the naked eye fails
The
largest scale acts up
General
analysis malfunctions
Perspective
cuts up the big picture
Into
small boxes places them onto top of themselves
A
tower of human phenomena
Buffeted
by blusterous tempestuous gusts
XX
now rotates a pirouetting Pinwheel
Then
instantly she is blown upwards
Collides
into that tower and lands upon its battlements
And
as I entranced gape
From
the top of her head
A
waterfall of pitch black lustrous hair gushes
It
falls down over the bartizan
Great
masses of hair travelling beyond the barbican
Wrapping
itself into knots around the corbel
Plaiting
itself through the murder hole
Gaining
great speed across the courtyard
I
see this coming on me as a tsunami
Getting
closer darkening any view from my trolley
I
can feel the irritation firstly from a few stray hairs
My
skin releasing histamines alerting me
Unfortunately
too late not that i could do anything
Then
its all on me
At
once hair enters my mouth
Tying
up my tongue
Subsequently
my nose is stuffed
Round
and round my ears it waxes
Now
my whole face is a clump of hair
Tightening
around my neck
Thereupon
it follows my restraints over and over again
Till
my body is veiled with hair completely
It
cocoons me I cannot breathe
In
my fear I observe myself entering dormancy
My
temperature rising
Feeling
increasing vibrations shaking me
Till
it becomes full tilt
And
splits my pupal case
Breaking
hair strands asunder
In
my ear I hear clipping sounds
Snip
Snip
Snip
thousands of times repeated
Concerned
that I may have been cut to bloodied pieces
Trying
to feel what’s there and what’s not
If
there’s bleeding or gore
Counting
my fingers and toes
Do I
still have ears or a nose
Has
my penis been carved up
Like
a carrot for a vegetable stew
My
testicles sliced as onion rings
With
the risk of horrid infection coming on
I
feel it lurking somewhere near
As
it always is
Attempting
to take my mind of my predicament
I
imagine her now high in the firmament
A
ruffled stick figured kite
Getting
higher in the darkening sky
She
spinning her way over the clouds
Now
gone from my view
Shocked
surprised by her leaving
Then
my attention overtaken by a sound
Then
a compelling sight
A
rusty automotive in shadows beside the house
Sunk
into sodden ground up to the hubcaps
Big
bulbous bullet riddled car
A
gnarled tree grown through the back seats
Festooned
with desiccated nests
Mother
birds skeletons their bleached bones
Pitched
Stiffly lying over the sides of the discarded nests
Cracklings
slivers of shell glisten on old dried blood
One
nest alive fledglings devouring the Mother bird
At
the top of the tree another Mother bird prepares a new nest
The
immense side door of the car opening then shutting
Rust
falls over a elbow drifts down over a clenched hand
An
ancient hand moving the cars door
Haltingly
back and forth
I
mesmerised by a tattoo on that withered arm
As I
gaze I know
I
was in the needles
Floating
in the dyes and pigments
Entered
into that skin in rapid repeated vibration
No
this can not be
I am
adrift lost I! I!
Must
try to think
It
must be the drugs they have administered
Can
drugs invoke lost memories
From
when I may not had human form
Where
can my fucking reason be
I in
fact only recognise the image of the inking
Having
seen it once in a tattoo’s shop window
Everything
fades calmly
Languidly
to a void
Light
fallen from the abyss
The
chasm of my sight
Closing
my eyes tight
Screaming
my insides out
Then
opening my peepers
I
look to the sky and wonder where she’s landed
Astonishingly
when I now look to where she was before
She
is standing there smiling at me
A
cup of tea in her hand
With
her other hand she is stirring the cup
XY
looks to her and at first barks his words
“Fuck
me XX does all this not hold your interest’’
“This
is your job your here to assist me”
“Indeed
one day you may have my position’’
‘’Anyway
for now lets play the game”
“The game we are paid to play”
"Just feign interest that would work for me”
“Remember
you need money’’
“For
your nails and clothes’’
“Yes
yes yes most important things I think you need’’
“I
have a firm idea of how I want you to dress’’
“A
look of innocence with excitement elements”
“Elements
only known and arranged for me oh what joy’’
‘’You
must remember all the time your only on trial’’
“It’s
all up to me”
‘’Well
if you play your cards right“
“And
right now your holding a good hand”
“Your
fortunes your fate may change”
“You might be able to leave your dingy rooms"
”Why I’m just rattling around in my big house alone”
“Ever
since well! we don’t need to discuss that!’’
“Just
be nice to me ok”
‘’I
have the need to be treated pleasantly’’
‘’I’m
most generous when I am”
He
taps the pockets of his pants
First
the right then then then the left
He
speaks firstly
“I
have many varieties of drugs”
Then
from the other pocket the sound of purloined jewellery
He
flexing himself
Jangling
his pocket
‘’ I
know many Fences’’
‘’Aware
of their weaknesses psychologically’’
‘I
have my ways that make them pay top dollar’’
All
the time XY is speaking
I am
dripping and dripping madness’s
And
have been trying to slip the knots to no avail
XY
now moves a little away from me
And
looking at me madly presses the remote controller
The
bottom of my gurney sits inches from the floor
From
that floor vapours now arise
Strong
nebulous hazy vapours
Containing
a brume of psychiatric symptoms
All
overwhelming what’s left of my mind
Schizophrenic
tormented hallucinations on me
Occurrences
within events widening out fearfully
Everything
is turning inside out and fraying reality
There
is no ending then suddenly there is!
I
now laughing manically
At
the saddest though that I forgot
Or
was it some deeply repressed guilt
That
disturbs me
I
must I must
I
Have! to remember what
Without
warning the hooks return
Letting
my gurney down to return
Right
side up
Then
the hooks travel to the end of my gurney
They
then lift the trolley up again
This
time I am hanging upside down
My
mind inches from the floor
Upon
me now
Horrid
Cotards syndrome
I
have no heart floating
Within
my stinking putrefaction
Empty
Dead I am and have always been
An
unknown unwanted memory
In
the tremors of frightened moments
Abandoned
bare a decrepit corpse
My
inner organs having long fled
Not
enough left to even to be the saddest of ghosts
XX
and XY saunter up to my upturned trolley
They
lift the gurney off the hooks
My
gurney tumbles to the floor
XX
and XY
Give
it now a little push
The
gurney glides to the centre of the corridor
The
two orderlies slowly approach me
One
from each side
They
begin to Prod the side of my head
XX
speaks in sweet words
Softly
tapping my head
“It’s
all my dear’’
‘’It’s
all in your head’’
“All
that has happened to you”
“So
far is our glorious treatments’’
“Our
beautiful drugs with your’’
‘’May
I say and I’m new here”
“Vivid
visions”
“Wonderful
aren’t they”
‘’Medications
tailored for your very self”
“Much
research has been done on your type”
“Of
course you are a original’’
‘’But
you are also apparently of a type’’
“XY
told me on my first day’’
“He
loves to see creatives mentally squirm”
“And
if some are helped well and good”
“HaHa
ha”
“It’s
all to be found in your Mind”
“Yes
I was told we probe sometimes too deeply”
“It’s
probably worth the risk”
‘’We
are only here to help you’’
“Really
I’m just new here”
“I’m
still by intuition”
“Saying
the things you might need to hear”
‘’Help
you to find balance some inner acceptance”
Then
seeing XY is looking obsessed with his watch
Shaking
it lifting it up to his eyes
Agitating
in the air again and again
All
the time paying no attention to XX
XX
puts her mouth close to my ear
She
whispers very lowly
“I’m
only really here”
“Actually for the cash’’
”XY
is known all around this town”
“That
fucker has big money’’
“I’m
going to fuck him get his keys his bank details”
“Then
murder him’’
“My
mother is going to assist me”
“We
have been planning his ending for years”
‘’So
many lives he with joy has destroyed’’
“Those
slippers on the addictive slide”
‘’A
heartless annihilator of the down falling further”
“He
must must be stopped”
‘’Mother
said to me to be on the lookout for a man”
“Some
muscle for our future capers”
‘’And
one who may know how to lose a corpse’’
“Why
not you?”
“Look
at him that great deranged oath”
“He
really thinks I’m interested in him’’
“He
revolts me”
“It’s
money I want”
“I’m
going to be filthy rich’’
“If
you ever get out of this’’
‘’I’d
love to see you’’
‘’I
love your face’’
‘’You
could write your poems’’
‘’They
might help ease my karma’’
XX
bends her head down and kisses my forehead
XY
speaks he seeming has not heard or seen this happen
I am
aware of it but I can not react
“Problems
with the batterie I hope”
“It’s
a brand new watch”
“Can
you fucking believe it’’
“Paid
a absolute fortune for it’’
“All
my thievings for over a week”
“Only
the drug sales I was able to save”
“I’m
not going to crack my immense nest egg just yet’’
‘’I’ll
retire soon I know I look wonderful for my age”
“To
live the life of grandeur I’ll need all I’ve hidden away”
‘’If
it wasn’t for the hospital drug sales’’
‘’I’d
be on the streets not selling but searching with a knife’’
“If
that bastard sold me a lemon’’
“After
all I’ve bought from him’’
“I’ll
fucking maim him’’
Turning
his attention back to XX
He
speaks
“I
probably shouldn’t have told you about my stash”
‘’But
I feel we are going to very close”
‘’Fawn
and flatter me be servile and all will be fine’’
“Don’t
get any ideas about robbing me”
“Remember
I always carry a knife’’
“Actually
I am quite fond of you”
“Remember
I never let go of what i want”
”Never”
“If
you have any ideas of not being nice to me”
“Remember
the knife’’
“Wait”
‘’I
may as well tell you I know your certificates are fake”
“Your
Mother has been one of my lovers for many years’’
‘I
keep her like so many others drug addled’’
‘’Addicted
to feed my own sweet addictions’’
“I
make myself sick with laughter at your schemes’’
“You
think I don’t know of your plans’’
“It
interested me how you would play it all out”
‘’But
listen I’ll let you off for this “
“Beware
and I so mean it”
“One
chance for chances sake”
‘’If
your not careful and contrite from now”
‘’You
yourself will end up on one of these trolleys’’
‘It
could easy get my fun there’’
‘’It’s
up to you sought of’’
“By
the way there’s nothing wrong with my timepiece”
“I
have the hearing of a bat I heard your whisperings”
‘’Most
amusing you really are a vixen’’
‘’I
shall completely relish taming you’’
“You
will get no rescue from him”
“Not
that you need it you’re future is nearly assured”
“He
on the other hand is joining the doomed”
“Now
lets get back to work’’
“It
would do no good for the supervisor to see us lounging”
“I’m
already on a warning”
“This
employment gives me a great cover”
There
fingers prod harder and harder
Until
XY stops prodding me and slaps the side of my face
And
with his pinched mouth
Leering
at XX speaks
‘’Have
no more concerns’’
“Lets
stop”
“Why
waste our energies?”
“Save
them for more more personal encounters’’
XY
looks to XX and gives a lascivious wink
Rattles
a awkward laugh
XX
squirming her hips lewdly
XY
continues
‘’He’s
one of those sought’s’’
‘‘Really
beyond our treatments this one’’
“Look
at his visions no peoples poet there”
‘’He
like some has broken the connection the link’’
‘’Between
grand expression and madness’’
“Between
clawed into life wondrous imagery
“And
senseless endless delirium’’
‘’I
can see in his eyes he’ll shortly have the Poet ticket’’
‘’On
his bluing toe’’
“The
drugs should kill him soon”
‘No
one will call here looking for him’’
Moving
away XX looks deep in my eyes
And
speaks
‘’We
shall leave him here to later’’
‘’The
Asylum has closed now for admissions’’
‘’All
the patients clutching the air drugged to oblivion’’
‘’The
doctors I’m sure have strong drinks in their hands’’
‘’When
we return’’
‘’I
know many dank dark alcoves’’
‘’We
will push him to the darkest of the asylum’’
‘’Leave
him there for the body snatchers’’
‘’Or
the hungry rats’’
‘’I’ve
shunted many poets artists and writers’’
‘’I’ve
left there’’
‘’Who
acted out the experience of Icarus’’
“The
wax and wan of their facial expressions”
“I
well remember”
“Their
features melted like a candles tip”
“Them
in their flaring imagination’’
‘’Under
a blazing ‘sun’ ‘’
‘’Of
their own creation’’
XX
turns to face XY
He
speaks
“XY
we could not help them’’
“Every
therapy was given”
“Every
drug every jolt”
“They
were ruined before they ended up here”
“To
often in their life’s their needs were sated’’
“But
the fate the rub of the great giver’’
“It
will always eventually give too much”
‘’Doomed
to fail in our treatments’’
“XY’’
‘’They
are just delusional examples’’
‘’Of
Plato’s ‘divine madness’ ‘’
‘’These
great exploration voyagers of thought’’
‘’Doomed
to scuttle their own ships’’
‘’Named
as always ‘the Muse’ ’’
‘’Rudderless
and holed they cannot go on’’
‘’They
break apart’’
‘’All
great writers and artists are neurotic by nature’’
‘’Universal
psychological truth filled liars’’
‘’Haha
ha’’
‘’They
would always say something’’
‘’As
I was walking away’’
‘’That
they implored me was most profound’’
‘’In
that darkness after tightening the straps’’
‘’I’d
leave them alone muttering’’
‘’I
give their clothing to the homeless’’
‘’Or
if it takes me’’
‘’First
dibs for the street children to sell’’
‘’Dear
XX’’
‘’Lets
hide ourselves away in the X-ray bays’’
‘’And
radiate our forms together’’
I
looking past them
They
have lost interest in me
Spinning
me down the corridor
XX
gives me a last surreptitious wink
XY
yells at me to
‘’Go
Fuck Mystery’’
Then
my attention is quickly drawn to a older women
She
in a strong retaliation stance of a moral assassin
In a
composed gloved hand she is holding a pistol
She
is hiding under a disused trolley
Covering
herself know with a sheet it slowly falling
As
XY and XX pass the trolley
A
silencer shot is heard
XY
is hit in his stomach
His
surprised eyes darting not believing
XX
and the older woman move the trolley close to XY
He
reeling in pain staring eyes frozen in shock’’
‘He
collapses on it whimpering .....
‘’Pity’’
‘’Sympathy’’
‘’Mercy’’
He
screams over and over again
then
‘’I
am the same little fragmented boy’’
‘’Who
was made to sleep on a lonely broken bed’’
‘’Sleeping
with the cackling hens’’
‘’In
a draughty chicken coop’’
‘’After
whirlwinds of thrashings’’
“Through
the rotting slats
‘’With
One arm and one leg scrapping the filthy floor’’
‘I
Wrote over and over words’’
‘’Words
of maltreatment and pain in the fowls droppings’’
‘’Pain
that transformed me easily into endless senseless rages’’
‘’Knowing
all I ever had to give the world’’
“Was
deeply imprinted horror and cruelty’’
“Knowing
what I take the most is advantage other overs’’
‘’I
have now had a metaphysical experience as I may be dying’’
‘’Born
in my bleedings a perfection of thought”
‘’I
the inessential hunter killed by innocent prey’
‘’A
beautiful final balance’’
‘’But
if there is the slightest chance of salvation’’
‘I
must I suppose die in truth’’
‘’I
am actually a child from a very loving home’’
‘’Arms
always around me always enchanting me’’
‘’The
sweetness of everything drenching my youth’’
‘’Every
chance offered warmly again and again’’
“Photos
of myself and my siblings festooned the walls’’
‘’But
truth must be told’’
‘’A
rotten branch on a healthy tree will never bare succulent fruit’’
‘‘It’s
putrefaction that is my real pleasure’’
“That
control that nature has claiming all with decay”
“That’s
the control that I wanted to have to enact’’
‘’To
degrade to atrophy my lovely addicts’’
‘’Putrescence
on scrawny legs they be’’
‘’I
see them furtive on the street”
‘’It
thrills me to see even their shadows are fading”
‘’They
return again a little more damaged’’
‘’Again
and again their need of drugs ages them’’
‘’Causing
their downfall impairment is as decomposition’’
“I
am as nature the scavenger destroyer’
‘’It
is the greatest high’’
‘’And
if and when I recover’’
‘’I
will surely kill the both of you leisurely’’
XX
and the older woman holding the gun together
Shoot
him repeatedly between the eyes
They
then propel his deathbed fast down the corridor
As
it passes me it bumps the side of my trolley
Like
a dodgem car
XY’s
projected blood drops splatters
My
body and the side of the trolley
As
my gurney rotates
Blood
drops now centrifugal fling in the air
My
mind is spinning
Round
and round spiralling
Drilling
the gurney through the floor
Then
as if by brake it halts
In
the distance I hear XX speaking
“Mother
we have done it’’
‘’That
fat bastard is dead”
‘’He
thought he had me on the run”
‘’That
I would be his eager slave’’
‘’No
more of his devilish malarkey’’
‘No
more unfortunates will feel’’
‘’He’s
fetid weight and sweat’’
‘’What
a trick double hoax on him the dangerous pervert’’
“And
you have all his keys passwords’’
‘Fabulous
and bank accounts emptied’’
“His
car outside waiting for us”
“His
secret stash in the boot”
‘’Why
shouldn’t us Mother as we be liberators
‘’Be
rewarded with beautiful cash’’
‘’And
we fucking are’’
“He
never knew what hit him”
“You
did engrave the bullets’’
‘’With
the symbol of moral revenge’’
“Absolutely
love that detail”
“Mother
I thought I found a grand fellow for us”
XX
looks back at me
“But
so unfortunately he will soon be dead”
They
have left but they soon return
I
see them cleaning their prints off the gun
Both
making their way to my gurney
XX
lifts my hand puts the pistol in my hand
Closing
my hand to grasp the weapon
My
fingerprints now singing guilt
The
Mother takes from her pocket
One
of the monogrammed bullets places it in my pocket
XX
again kisses my forehead
Places
the smoking gun under my pillow
Then
they both leave
XX
speaks as she leaves
“I
told you Mother he was the fellow for us’’
Stifling
coughs sulphurous and metallic
From
the smoking gun
I am
now held close to the wall
Held
gripped by restless spirits
Those
who never escaped
Never
walked out away from this Asylum
Sufferers
of unspeakable acts
They
overfill my ears with their sad terrible tribulations
Those
who were shattered by fear
Who
died holding nothing
Not
a loved ones hand
Or
if wanted a crucifix or a knife
In
hysteria laden derangement
They
begin to transmute
Their
paranoias
Delusions
Their
psychopathy
Using
their madnesses
Changing
their encompassing chaos’s
To
fingered movement
Trying
to unshackle me
Emotions
fall over my bound form
From
desolation I feel now their given kindness
Ecstasy
raptured euphoria
Elating
me
Away
from this nightmare
Then
i cannot feel them
I’m
back to nothing
The
wonderful spirits are gone
Left
quickly as if they fled in fear
My
restrained body left behind
There
is a terrible silent stillness
Deep
primal agitations unleashing in me
I
feel myself fracturing apart
Like
a lonely plaster statue
Being
slowly crumbled by its own stone hand
Then
the impending noiselessness cracks
A
calamitous din seeping into my cerebellum
Great
thrusting dissonances of dread
Now
prancing into the corridor
From the inhuman vacuum of patient isolations
Screeching litanies of lobotomies
Entering
in ironic pride affectation
Come the Barbarous Spirits
The
passed Attendants Doctors and Nurses
Sparking
shock treatments embers
Small
fires ablaze on what is left of their uniforms
The endless
shaking of chains
Now
the cracking sound of their bones as they stumble in
Billowing
in with metallic aromas from the bleeding’ s
Filth
from the purging’ s encrusted upon their bones
A
halo of Metrazol therapy syringes
Above
their bony cruel heads
I
make a move for the pistol
It
falls clattering to the floor and fires
The
stray bullet creases my forehead
Creating
a blooded minds eye
They
throw me hardly onto the tranquillising chair
I
feel multitudes of skeletal hands on me
All
over my body undoing my restraints
Their
bony fingers pulling me up
To
sit me on that horrendous throne
I
hear myself scream
‘’Leave
me be’’
“I a
Poet”
‘’I
had a horrendous head injury’’
‘’Something
fell on my head’’
‘’I’m
not lost to madness’’
‘’It
was a meteor’’
“It
fell from the moon’’
The
evil skeletons are not listening
They
are strapping me tightly to the chair
I
see them drawing up using immense rusty syringes
I
must escape
Even
if I must lose my beautiful body
The
moment petrified
I
enter its Time
It’s
indefinite sequenced progress
Penetrating
its irreversible existence
I
embrace it
From
the past through to the present
I
now stand just before the future
Of
each single seconds passing
Awaiting
Away
from the Asylum the world
Standing
on a cesium atom
The
periods of radiation corresponding
Speaking
to me
‘’There
always is hope’’
‘’Of
a safe second ’’
‘’For
all who have the need to be born’’
I
buoyed by those words
Over
and over again
With
different life spans suggested
Experimenting
A
Rebirther
In
self blinded observed disregard
Of
my spirit
Of
my wellbeing
Of
the implications of my presence
ROBERT (ROIBEARD) SHANAHAN
I am a poet playwright and a painter
A storyteller
For me all there really is
Is Compassion and Expression
I described myself once as a...
‘Grand Lector of Apocalyptic Utterances’
I live in Tasmania
I am from the Irish diaspora
My family from Cork
I have had my prose published in Australia
Ireland in ‘Outburst’ magazine
Numerous times in ‘Life Encounters’
India in ‘Setu’ poetry magazine
One of my proses was awarded high commendation
In the W. B. Yeats poetry prize
‘Violence at the Egg’
Was read out in the National Parliament of Australia
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