Saturday, 2 December 2023

Four Poems by Catfish McDaris

 



 

Gringo Loco 

 

Quick’s sister-in-law in Mexico

City found out he loved coffee,

so she went to her pantry and got

him a bag of special beans from

 

Chiapas, the coffee was very old

and weak, 20 years later she came

to the U.S. for the first time to

 

Visit, Quick gave her a roll

of toilet paper and a tube of

toothpaste, his wife and her

sister were not amused

 

When Quick went south again,

they bought tacos from a taqueria,

there were 2 tortillas wrapped

around the meat, they asked

 

How he liked them, he said

great except the meatless ones

needed more salt and salsa and

he’d rather eat goat sphincter. 

 

 

Never Eat Barbequed Seagulls

 

Set fire to your nightmares, Quick sang,

this one’s called Ode to Marywanna or

Death is a Fickle Bitch from Tucumcari

 

When in doubt trust your heart and don’t

pet the jackalope, she’s a big bad wolf, a

Comanche on the path of a moonquake

 

A bullet proof poet with a speed of light

mouth, Quick was a hammerhead shark,

if he quit moving he’d die swiftly.

 

 

Supernatural 

 

Sorcery and witchery still flourishes

people need protection, salt strewn

around an encampment helps ward

 

Off demon attacks, corn meal mixed

with gall of an eagle, bear, mountain

lion, or skunk is potent medicine

 

Witches live along the Rio Grande,

they steal Mexican sheep and cause

death, beware of shape shifters

 

Brown and grey corn known as maiz

de brujeria should be avoided, healing

elixers are mercury, Gonzalez herb,

guayuli, and powdered turquoise. 

 

 

Five Finger Discount 

 

Nasty Jack was a grease ball biker

from near the Mexican border, he

got his name from his Levis being

so stiff, he could stand them up in

the corner awaiting his reentrance

 

He was always working on Indians

and Harley Davidsons, occasionally

he applied his magic to four wheel ve-

hicles, but he preferred the freedom

of riding in the wind, unless he was

 

Pulling a big shoplifting job requiring

a crew to cart away the stolen goodies,

his hands were invisible fast, I worked

with him a few times as a distraction

man or driver, Jack knew no fear

 

I’d entered stores with him and never

seen anything, outside he’d unload

eight huge Porterhouse steaks, three

bottles of Heinz 57 and he’d grab a

rack of fifty packs of Marlboros

 

Situated right in front of the checker,

he once walked away with two dollies

of booze, one had nine cases of Corona

and the other had top shelf tequila and gin

 

We never knew what Jack would show

up with next, but he never came home

empty handed, he wrote note goodbye and

said forget about being thieves, he was going

fishing at Boca Chica where the Rio Grande

flowed into the Gulf of Mexico.

 




Catfish McDaris has been in many magazines, books, and broadsides. He’s a 30-year small press and 3-year Army artillery veteran, from Albuquerque and Milwaukee. He works in a wig store in a dangerous neighbourhood. Second day on the job, a lady dropped her purse and a loaded 357 not of safe rolled out on the floor.


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