a blistered fucking ego
 
soft
brown skin slipping 
through
my hands yet again
 
piss
poor timing and all 
the
other excuses
 
i
look in the mirror and 
know
i am to blame
 
was
it fear, anger, a blistered 
fucking
ego or were you simply 
blind
to an amazing woman
that
wanted to love you
 
and
here you are
 
too
old, too late, too far gone
to
ever even get a chance
 
you
remember the picture 
of
the muse sitting on a rock 
thousands
of feet in the air
 
how
you always wanted 
to
be the one there with her
 
circumstance
and piss poor 
luck
have ruined more than 
just
your life
 
she'll
always be a friend
 
the
one that got away
 
the
one that still knows how 
to
raise the hair on the back 
of
your neck
 
maybe
she will find you 
on
your death bed,
pen
in hand
 
still
writing about the most 
beautiful woman in the world
the lust for gun violence
 
i never quite got the 
lust for gun violence
either in real life or 
even the video games
 
when we played 
cowboys and indians
i was neither
 
more likely a rancher 
that just wanted to be 
left alone
 
and sure, i get why 
people loved the
mobsters of the 
early twentieth 
century
 
the fresh suits, all 
the liquor, plenty 
of women, and 
the biggest guns
 
longevity was never 
part of the deal
 
i would rather like 
to enjoy life instead 
of constantly watching 
my back
ruin me
 
the most beautiful woman 
in the world laughs at the 
porn i watch
 
tells me she would ruin me 
if we ever got together
 
like i haven't been asking 
for that for most of my life
 
but the truth hangs in the air
 
i am not someone's knight 
in shining armour
 
the handsome devil they feel 
lucky to still be available
 
i'm the last fuck at the bar
 
where the desperate say
 
ah, fuck it
say hello to god
 
sadness
 
the single tear 
racing down 
the cheek
 
there are no 
words, just 
silence
 
plenty of 
contemplation
 
like an old movie
playing out in 
front of you
 
you see her reach 
for the gun and 
take the safety 
off
 
before reason 
can enter the 
room
 
she places it 
against her temple
and says hello 
to god
 
i guess she thought 
i would be too young 
to remember
 
and here we are
all these years later
 
i pour a little out for 
what could have been
fishnets and a long cigarette
 
an old woman 
catches my eye
 
fishnets and a 
long cigarette
 
suddenly, i'm 
the cool gangster
in a black and 
white movie
 
and here comes 
the dame trying 
to ease my mind
 
we go to her room 
and of course, it 
was a set up
 
my rivals fill me 
up with bullets
and i can still 
hear her laughter
 
but man, those 
legs
 
i can still imagine 
those wrapped 
around my head
J.J. Campbell (1976 - ?) is old enough to know better. He's been widely published over the years, most recently at Synchronized Chaos, Horror Sleaze Trash, Disturb the Universe Magazine, The Rye Whiskey Review and Carcinogenic Poetry. You can find him most days on his mildly entertaining blog, evil delights. (https://evildelights.blogspot.com)
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