THE
GOLDEN AGE
Everyone wants to live in a Golden Age,
And
so do I. Maybe that’s why I’ve had
A
desire to invent one for myself from time
To
time. I do have a sense of humour about it,
Thinking
a Golden Age is a period of history
In
which I’m living, though common sense
Would
seem to indicate that this period of
History
is not the one. History is a prism.
When
people look into it, they see whatever
Colours
they want to see, according to their
Prejudices.
A Golden Age is an elusive dream,
I
guess, and as elusive as a bird or woman, but
I
think I can create a functioning Golden Age out
Of
a golden dream. I can construct a historical
Period
in my mind that is amenable to all my
Aspirations
and imagine myself fulfilled within it.
Then
I’ll build myself a fieldstone house deep
In
the woods of the New England countryside.
I’ll
build two rooms in the house, both rather
Large.
Downstairs will be for eating and enter-
Tainment,
and upstairs will be for reading and
Writing.
I’ll line the entire top floor with book-
Shelves,
and all the spines of the books will be
Stamped
in gilt. When I create my Golden
Age,
there will be no need to read history, unless
I’m
reading ancient history. Even the Middle Ages
Will
be too contemporary for me. On a daily basis
I’ll
imagine myself living in the Golden Age
Of
my making, and I’ll become golden myself
Someday
and valued beyond all colourful and
Hard-earned
money and sexual liaisons too.
AN ELEGY FOR MY MOTHER
Although my mother was French she
Was
born in Haiti and sprinkled her
French
with words in Creole, such as
“M’ap mouri,” which means in Créole,
“I’m
dying.” Insensibly I told her
We’re
all going to die, though I didn’t
Say
that to be insensitive. It’s hard taking
Care
of someone who’s getting older day
By
day, especially when you’re in a bar
Most
of the time, calling to see if she’s
All
right, after you’ve incessantly asked
Her
to give you money to drink. I did
The
best that I could while taking care
Of
her, or was she taking caring of me—
That
seems more like it. She did live
Until
she was eighty-seven years old.
If
I could have done better, I would
Have
gladly. Growing up is learning
To
accept your limitations. I know I’m
No
closer to being a saint now, than
When
I was younger. My mother had
A
certain beauty to her as she grew older,
Which
I can only call the beauty of old age.
White
hair that calls attention to itself, and
A
smile on her face that you would have to
Admit
to being earned. Laughter was hard
To
come by the last few weeks, and I tried
To
make her laugh now and then. I think
I
wanted her to laugh to take her mind off
Of
me and herself as well. Soon I was going
To
move her down into the living room, as
The
stairs had become too difficult for her.
On
February 21, 1999, she died at 11:40 P.M.
On
a day I hadn’t been drinking. I had walked
Into the bathroom to get the green plastic tub
She
used for her false teeth. When I came back
Into
her room, she was hunched over the side
Of
her bed, trying to steady herself while
Pushing
against the night table. I lifted her feet
Onto
the bed and removed her false teeth from
Her
mouth so she wouldn’t choke on them, but
Minutes
later she was dead. My thought at the
Moment
was that I wished I had been a better son,
And
that someday I might get a second chance.
Although
I knew that I was trying to assuage
My
conscience, I wasn’t getting off that easy.
Still,
months later, I grieve for her and shake
My
head in disbelief at the way I treated her.
I’ll
probably feel like this for years to come.
If not, I’m a far worse son than I thought.
WALKING UP LAFAYETTE STREET
I pass many Chinese food shops,
And
the men selling and repairing sewing machines,
As
well as the buildings where I imagine sweatshops
And
thousands of women working in steamy quarters
With
no air conditioning, just fans whirring and blowing
A
little relief for a while. I think of significant events
In
my life and narrow them down to the pleasures
Of
walking along an old street and discovering some
New
buildings and new faces to look at on my fanciful
Walk.
I stop before Lieutenant Petrosino Square, but
I
don’t feel like reading from a book, though on some
Other
day it could be pleasurable and relaxing—
Why
is the lieutenant famous? I ask myself.
He
must have been some tough cop, I answer.
It’s
hot and humid. A statuesque blonde woman walks
Before
me, though I’m not following her by design but
By
circumstance. I’m positive I’ve seen her before,
But
I can’t remember where. I love to walk. I could
Have
seen her in a dozen places. While I think of her,
I’m
distracted by another attractive woman. I keep
Walking
uptown, however. After the Puck Building,
I
cross East Houston and think about Lafayette, and how
He
helped the United States during the Revolutionary War.
I
think of a square or a street, and I dub myself a general
In
the Poet’s Army and name a street after myself, but
I
know the street is just a start, and my imagination is
Working
overtime. A country or a continent, I
Humorously
wonder, as I turn left on East Fourth.
A YOUNG LADY
There she goes with her breasts bouncing
In
her loose brassiere, ignoring the effect
She
makes on the men who happen to observe
Her
as she walks by with studied insouciance.
One
man has a better view than the other men
Since
he is sitting in the coffee shop she enters
Into
to buy some pieces of fruit, a pint of orange
Juice,
and a black coffee. That man is yours truly,
The
happy chronicler. Certainly this young woman
Is
a historical event in my ordinary life, and an
Opportunity
for me to resume my image of myself
As
a man-of-letters and a poet, as I haven’t
Written
any letters lately, nor have I blessed a blank
Page
with a poem. Maybe I should throw an image
Into
this poem to satisfy other poets who are visually
Handicapped
and need a cloud passing across a wide
Mountain
to feel they’ve read something akin to what
Has
been called poetry in the last century. I’ll make
It
really deep too, a very big cloud with galactic depth.
Aficionados
of exaggeration—what lit-profs call
Hyperbole—now
satisfied, I’ll continue to describe
The
ease with which she walks out of the coffee shop
With
insular bearing, though I suspect she wants me
To
look at her because I want to look at her. I’ll never
Forget
her short-cropped hair, her big brown eyes, and
Her
stealing my heart by skipping down the sidewalk.
VERMONT
Leaf peepers might as well be pumpkin
Peepers,
since pumpkins are as prevalent
As
foliage followers. The grey, green,
Orange,
red, and yellow hillsides and
Mountains
are everywhere around me,
As
well as the rolling farms and tell-tale
Silos.
Driving through the countryside
On
a bus, I can’t help but want to move
Here.
The bookstores in the larger cities
In
Vermont all seem to have book signings
And
poetry readings, and I finally took
Advantage
of one of them. I attended a
Poetry
reading in Rutland, which turned
Out
to be quite good. The poet was about
My
age and concerned with his memory
And
paying homage to the people who
Had
influenced him. He loved his child
And
his wife; he was building a new home.
Never
having been married, I felt somewhat
Inadequate.
Unfortunately I seem to be one
Of
those men who are doomed to leave no
Lineage
behind them. So be it. The weather
Is
crisp, and the people I meet are polite
Enough
to make me feel that life has promise,
Even
in those moments when I feel that life
Is
mostly habitual. Life goes on no matter
What
we feel or think. I’m heading north.
I
don’t know if that bodes well or ill,
But
I’ll probably go to Montreal, where
I
haven’t been to for twenty-five years.
Traveling
is destiny; it’s either side of
A
flipped coin, heads or tails. Call it!
Michael La Bombarda is a poet and fiction writer. He has published in many little magazines and in some anthologies published by Low-Tech Press, Autonomedia, the New York Writer’s Coalition, and Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen. He has three books of poetry published by Chez Michel Press.
No comments:
Post a Comment