Keith Richards and The Beer Bottle Fairy - Fiction Story By Angel Edwards

 

 

Keith Richards and The Beer Bottle Fairy

 

 

Fiction Story

 

By Angel Edwards 

 

One day somewhere in the middle of the late 90s Keith the Great was sitting in a sleazy neighbourhood, pub drinking much cheap beer. As he tilted a brown bottle to his lips, he heard a little voice cry out

“oh, please do not swallow, me …”

Keith stared at the beer bottle in surprise, and then once more brought the drink to his mouth.

“oh, save me, save me, save me and I will give you three wishes “cried the voice.

“Wishes, exclaimed Keith to the voice inside the bottle. I don’t need three wishes I have everything that anybody could possibly want!”

“No please listen to me listen to me save me don’t drink me.”

“I can’t even see you Why don’t you come out of the bottle? Let me take a look at who or what you are. Show yourself.” shouted Keith.

A few people in the bar turn to stare at the mighty guitar player, speaking to a bottle. But his friends shrugged and did not seem too concerned,

“I can’t get out of the bottle. “ said the voice glumly

“Why not?” asked Keith

I just can’t, that’s all. You must use one of your wishes to get me out wish me out.

“what “Keith exploded

Then I will only have two wishes left. You promised me three you rude cheap little rotten...” Keith raised the bottle for the third time.

“ Please!” screamed, the voice with all its tiny little might

“Help me! There must be two wishes that you could wish. There must be two things that you want (after you spend one wish getting me out of the bottle I mean) You can wish for anything, anything at all’

Keith signaled for another beer, and when the beer came, he also ordered three double shots of whiskey.

Now, after drowning all of this, Keith had to admit, he was becoming intrigued with the speaker in the bottle. His curiosity was getting the better of him.

A waiter came by to pick up the empty bottle, containing the invisible fairy, and Keith angrily snatched the bottle from the surprised waiter’s hand.

“So OK, you in there” said Keith peering inside the bottle. “Ready? I’m ready to make a deal with you. First wish is that you get out of the effing bottle!”

Poof

There appeared before Keith’s jaded eyes, a 4-inch fairy complete with gossamer wings and a little magic wand.

“You have two more wishes,” said the little fairy. (She was not bad, looking as far as fairies went, willowy dainty with a pretty face.)

Her voice was birdlike, twittery chirpy, and very trebly.

She fluttered up in front of Keith’s face to demand. “Let’s get on with it. OK you have two more wishes what will they be?” She tapped her foot impatiently. One really couldn’t blame her. She had been stuck in that smelly bottle for three decades. A spurned suitor had banished her into the bottle and she was so anxious to get back home to Fairyland.

“Ok I shall wish for 16 more wishes, ha!” said Keith triumphantly.

“Oh, that’s an old one. Nice try...” the fairy snickered yawned and produced a scroll, a long scroll out of thin air. “Here is the Official Wish Granting Rules Scroll document! ‘She told him.

“It states clearly on fold five: there is to be NO wishing for more wishes and furthermore…”

Mr. Richards had never liked rules. He grabbed at the piece of delicate parchment and tore it in two.

The fairy gasped, but then immediately produced another scroll, identical.

Keith set fire to this one.

The fairy screeched in frustration and disappeared for a little while.

She reappeared suddenly rather huffily said “you know there is a time limit on those wishes! Can we get on with it?”

Keith thought and thought, but nothing came to mind. “Maybe you could use a facelift?” suggested the fairy just trying to be helpful.

This infuriated Keith and he grabbed the little fairy around the middle and squeezed her hard.

“You let me go you bully “cried the fairy, gasping for air.” I will make you! I know magic! I will make you the same size as me!”

“I’ve had just about enough of you!” said Keith letting her go just the same. Some patrons in the bar turned curiously wondering if Keith was all right. His friends still didn’t seem too bothered.

Keith grabbed the fairy and stuffed her headfirst kicking and flailing into his leather pocket.

The poor creature lay there, clutching her magic wand with a breath, knocked out of her.

An enormous brown and bloodshot eye appeared looming down at her.

“I say are you all right in there? Sorry if I hurt you really, I just lost my temper.”

He picked up the fairy and placed her gently as he was able on the dirty red tablecloth.

She sat down in a heap, rubbing her eyes trying to regain her fairy dignity.

“Can we please get out of here? I need the correct setting to make those last two wishes so how much time do I have?” said Keith.

The fairy drew a clock with her wand on the dusty table she calculated the time remaining to be just under 46 minutes.

Keith left enough money on the table to cover his bill and asked very politely if she would care to ride in his pocket.

“No, thank you,” said the fairy decidedly, “your pocket is not comfortable and it’s rather smelly too. No offence I will fly beside you. Nobody here will see me I presume”

The pair left the smoky pub. He staggered into his Rolls-Royce, where the chauffeur awaited the master’s return.

The beer bottle fairy climbed up a thick strand of Keith’s unruly hair and began to whisper in his ear

“Make the wishes make the wishes”

“To The studio then?” asked the chauffeur

“Oh, hell yes!” Keith cried. He had forgotten about the studio session somehow.

Suddenly, he was completely sober. It was like a miniature miracle.

“So, what are your wishes?” Something to do with your music perhaps?”

“I do wish my music would live forever” exclaimed the guitarist.

The beer bottle fairy turned two happy summersaults into the air singing out in her chirpy voice.

“Wish granted, wish granted wish two granted!!”

“Now, only one more, one more wish left, make your wish. What’s your wish one more wish to grant you what’s your wish what...”

Keith held his temper, knowing that he only had one more wish. He was late arriving to the recording studio. All the other musicians in the band had been there for over an hour impatiently waiting for him.

Keith strapped on his marvelous guitar. The first two songs came off with perfection. Problems arose with the third tune. For some reason the rhythm section could not get the ending right. The band played the part again and again, but never to the satisfaction of the guitarist.

“For chrissake I wish you two could get the ending of that damn song right just once!” roared Lord Keith, in frustration.

Presto, the whole band played the tune correctly and then a chill ran up and down Keith spine

Right then, let’s record it now shall we?” said the engineer.

“Oh no,” cried Keith

And try as they may, try as they might the band never quite got the ending down again. Eventually they dropped it from the album, and the song was never released to the public.

But maybe just maybe they sing variations of the song in Fairyland.

 

Angel Edwards is a singer songwriter guitarist published writer published poet with 4 books from Vancouver BC Canada. Member of AFM local 145. BMI SOCAN

THE ANGEL EDWARDS MUSIC ®

http://www.angeledwards.ca