Somehow We Let The Shadow In
We didn’t mean to but we did,
when we opened the door for a delivery,
soft and silent as silk chiffon scarves
tracing our neck with such deadly desire.
We felt the melancholy and dread
sucking the air out of rooms, deadening
silences playing within our heads, deafening
regrets seeping into every fragile pore.
We forget where we end and the shadow
begins, twisting our past out of shape,
we feel the hollowness of lost remorse,
deep pangs of the life we left behind.
No words can unify this deep dark sorrow,
such grief, profound failures and mistakes
grow as shadows deepen darkest memories
suffocating exposed nuances of desire.
Victims achieved, the shadow takes their leave,
let themselves out without goodbyes,
leaves hushed silences and a terrible fall,
grieving for ourselves, the lives we failed to live.
Winter Solstice Sonnet
Wind howls the day away, sudden, breathless,
scurrying weary clouds into tomorrow,
memories play harshly on doors, ruthless,
echoes of a life blown fast to and fro,
raw rumbling grumbling sounds roar far away,
cascading inward torrents of tides,
nature’s power so abundant today,
gasps yearn deeply as strong fear divides.
We huddle under deepest blue blankets,
childhood remembrances still keep us warm,
storm savagely slices, soothes and smothers,
reminds us of our place in deepest storm,
terrible beauty, devastating majesty and awe,
we listen scared revealing our tragic flaw.
Three Weeks Before You Died
You found it easier to talk to a stranger,
no baggage or condemnation, no weary words,
recriminations or forgotten history, disavowed.
Your regrets flowed like fierce rivers from you,
you were the River Wharfe, hidden tunnels suck us in,
banks undercut, allusions drag people in whole.
Afterwards, you stare out the window at blue skies,
trees swaying you into deepest sleep, lilting, forgetting,
all your sin released, you were ready for catharsis.
I watched your final eulogies from the back row
silent and austere, everyone unaware of me,
outpourings of grief from Barden Tower to Bolton Abbey.
I wondered if they were talking about the same woman,
I met, admired and administered her sin. I wondered
if she even knew? So sure she was alone, hopeless.
Bright sunlight caught pained stained glass windows,
we all gasped in the moment as she passed, held
our loved ones a little closer now, embraced tightly.
Turquoise Dreams Sigh Goodnight
She died silently in the middle of the night
without any fuss or regrets or kerfuffle,
she didn’t want to bother anyone or be a nuisance
or make problems for those who had better things to do.
If there was a recycling centre she’d have gone there,
but instead her bed was as easy as possible.
She’d lived a good life, was happy, mostly,
she counted her blessings till she couldn’t count any higher.
Her problems were many but remained uncounted,
she was ready to go, she felt the decline,
so arched and forgetful these days,
she wanted to leave with her heart full of memories.
She smiled in the last moments, her history fixed
in a grin, she was tired, it was time and she was ready.
Comfortable, her life flittered in her head delicately
as she gently embraced the turquoise goodnight.
You Don’t See Me
Lingering in every room, clinging to every memory,
every laughter and kiss, every drink and drama,
even the arguments are kisses, even the laughter
echoes long in my memories as I endure. Empty
rooms stripped of meaning, furniture forgetting,
floors full of flaws, missing rugs full of regrets,
remembering when we first arrived here, hope
painting all the walls, dreams a tapestry of curtains
bright with red velvet desire, so full of exuberance
the universe unites to make our future come alive.
You don’t see me, tears in eyes, clearing away
the last remnants of our dreams, vacuum packed tears.
You don’t see me, vacuuming the last of our memories,
scrubbing walls of marks we made, our history erased.
You don’t see me, folding the last of my hopes neatly away
in suitcases full of shame and regrets, hard to close.
Say goodbye to each room one by one, lingering.
Say goodbye to each room one by one, haunting.
Leave a bottle of champagne and a note
May your future always come alive.
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