the vet's voice
softly shares the test results
my heart disintegrates
***
when it’s time
to call the vet again
I pray to be brave
***
I empty my heart
of sadness and fear
love floods in
***
as you relaxed
warm on my lap
my soul breathed
***
in that moment
you stepped into the gloaming
forever
***
thanking you
for 17 years of love
as you slipped through
the slats of the garden
and ran free
***
a piece of my heart
goes with you into
the gentle, soft night
a piece of your heart
stays with me and rises
with the dawn
***
it was an honour
to love and be loved
in return
***
I noticed
the silkiness of your fur
beneath my fingers
I noticed
when I could let sadness go
love flooded in
I noticed
that your life with me
played like a movie
as you snuggled
deep into the cover
on my lap
I noticed
the deep kindness of the vet
who came to help
a gentleness of spirit
walked in the door
with him
coaching us through
with knowledge and
infinite grace
I noticed
that I spoke to you
in poetry
thanking you
for 17 years of
love and friendship
giving you permission
to step into the
gloaming
and run free
in the garden
forever
I noticed
how my friend showed love
by being present
calmly supporting
us both through this difficult
yet magical moment
kissing you goodbye
holding my hand
hearing our stories
I noticed
how deeply you relaxed
into your final breaths
I noticed
a gentle peace settling in
as you transitioned
I noticed
my hand still petting you
even after you'd gone
knowing I should stop
but not yet being
able to
I noticed
your collar was still warm
as I held it, after
I noticed
how quiet the house seemed
then
I noticed
how the tears flowed
of their own accord
I noticed
your hairs in the dryer
lint catcher, today
I noticed
how my other cat and I
are finding our new normal
I noticed
that I still see you
in my periphery
I noticed
that coming home
I still call your name
I noticed
that I still listen
for your footfall
and I can still feel
your silky fur
beneath my fingers
I noticed
that you filled a very large space
for such a tiny cat
***
the Holy Spirit
knocked on my door
twice yesterday
once in a friend
once in a vet
they filed my home
with pure, calm love
allowing me
such grace and
understanding
coaching me
to be pure love for one
who's been pure love for me
until she breathed
her last
after
one wrapped you
in a blanket with such
compassion
that it lifted
my soul
the other wrapped me
in love
and stayed for dinner
and overnight
so I wouldn't be alone
I'm grateful
for the Holy Spirit
knocking on my door
and for having the courage
to open it
Jennifer Gurney lives in Colorado where she teaches, paints, writes and hikes. Her poetry has appeared internationally in a wide variety of journals, including Lothlorien, The Ravens Perch, HaikUniverse, Haiku Corner, Cold Moon Journal, Scarlet Dragonfly and The Haiku Foundation. Jennifer’s haiku has recently won the 6th Basho-an International English Haiku Competition and was recently selected for the Golden Triangle Haiku Poetry Competition in DC. Her poetry has also been accepted into the Ars Nova Shared Vision project in Colorado and will be turned into a choral piece and performed in a series of concerts in the Denver area this June.
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