Online we recognise ourselves in the language of others
Opinions of strangers, trick mirrors,
Muting our reflection, shaping our reality
How to be me? How to be? How to be?
The most trivial things sink their teeth into our memories.
Click an illusion
Hold on. Breathe.
Intake the moment
Inhale, exhale,
Internalise.
Swipe into your skin
Let it build a home in you and in me
Our bodies, building blocks of trauma
Scroll through the thoughts of strangers
Mutate, inhalate
flesh eating creatures
Biting into your fingertips
let doubt hover
Search the right words
Chant affirmations
‘I am beautiful’, ‘I am worthy’.
‘The universe loves me.’
Like a protective quilt
Delusions are soothing.
type.
Have you noticed?
The slower life becomes,
the faster time passes.
And then one day, the moment approaches
Sneaks up when you’re not looking,
when everything that had existed up to the point is irreversibly lost
in the battle with ourselves
We are the losers.
Zoom in. Come face to face with the younger you
A confrontation.
Let it takes place
A reminder
It was there all along
buried in the cobwebs of your mind
The person you were meant to be
The one you forgot to be.
Comment. Why did you listen?
Comment. Why didn’t you listen?
delete: And that’s when you both realize.
Search Anyone who can understand
how an end becomes a beginning,
In turn becomes an end,
Will understand why,
A circular path that curves into itself
Is the principle of transformation.
Save.
Something unknown emerges from something known
One thought swallows another,
Spits out yet another
Ideas are replaced by ideologies
Leftist end up as right wing
kindness becomes monstrous
The self remains devoid of self knowledge
Post.
The survivor becomes the saviour
Intention over action
The ego no longer controllable
We tell stories to ourselves about ourselves
Untill,
we don’t.
Like the moment when it catches up with you
That sense of loss.
The loss of sense.
That feeling that you are out of time.
Standing at the end
Unpin the moment
When you turn around,
Realise you have come too far
This time
The exit is closed.
No one left to love.
No one else to blame.
My story time into timelessness
Archived
Unpinned
Liked, Cancelled & Trolled
Screen time out of control
My Intelligence is artificial
My Truth is an algorithm
My upgrade overdue
Only one question remains
Will I ever meet the real you?
Sabyn Javeri has been published in Wasafiri, London Magazine, Litro, Hayden's Ferry, Oxonian Review, South Asian Review and in anthologies by the Feminist Press, Women Unlimited and Harper Collins amongst other publications.
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