A Toast to Billion-Old Deaths
nebulas
explode in
distant
galaxies, by the time the
fireworks
reach us we’ll
be long
gone; it’s the consolation, things are
dying in
the universe right fucking now and
we’re
here, drinking, breathing, fucking, living, and they’re
dead.
dead.
and we’re alive. we’ll be
dead,
others will live, do the same
things
we do now, it’s the circle of life, does it
matter?
no. I drink now,
I toast
the dead stars, the supernovas we won’t
see for
a few thousand years. I toast the gods that
died two
millennia ago. I am drunk. getting drunker.
feeling
supernal. I’m a supernova ready to
happen,
a god in the making. Dionysus stands
next to
me, tells me “drink more wine.” I listen. I drink.
drunk, I
tolerate you. I tolerate the world. I don’t feel like
committing
genocide. drunk, I live. sober, I’m deader than
the
stars that died ten billion years ago and their dying light just now
reaches
our telescopes.
after a
couple of days of no drinking, I finally
sat down
with two six-packs of beer, a bottle of
bourbon.
even after a handful of ice-cold beers, I’m
reminded
that there are good things in life. during the
couple
of dry days, all I did was worry about
everything
I can’t control, the things I must get around to
doing.
too many thoughts whirled in my
head,
rendering the nights sleepless, the mornings restless. with
some
booze in my blood, and much more yet to be
consumed,
I feel liberated. does it
matter
that nothing has been
fixed?
no; I’ll
just
drink some more tomorrow, and the day after, and so on, until
I either
crap my liver out or stumble upon a solution to
the
world’s, and my, problems. the beer says
go for
it; bourbon barks
fight. the mistresses of
the night come
clawing,
I put on my rum-laced condom and
get
ready for another fight.
“damn,
man, my wife left me just this
morning,
said she fell in love with her personal trainer. twenty-
seven
years drained into the gutter,” my barstool
neighbor
told me in a quivering voice. I was on
beer
seven, and double Four Roses eight. “see the sign?” I
pointed
at the large chalkboard next to the
liquor shelves.
SHUT UP
AND DRINK. “how about you
do that?
it’ll help with the pain. hey, Jim,” I called
the
bartender, “three double Four Roses; no ice this time.”
“you
know I don’t drink anything but shots while on duty,”
he said.
“okay, okay, get your shot. still three
doubles.”
“it’s
just the two of us, right?” the neighbor asked, peering
about
trying to find our elusive, if not invisible, drinking compatriot.
“yeah.
so, either I’m seeing double or I’m really thirsty.” I downed
the
first double, chased it with some beer, then sipped on the other
glass.
“just thirsty; there’s still only one of you.”
“so, my
wife, I…”
“again,”
I groaned, “read the sign. better yet, stare
at it
while you’re in here.”
long
days of
no
drinking, sipping coffee and inhaling stale tobacco,
trying
to find meaning in the mess, desperate
attempts
to change things that’ll forever
stay the
same. embracing the
darkness,
avoiding the sun like
a
vampire; nothing good ever
comes
from the world, stay inside in
the
cool, avoid the heat, the scorching sun, the
army of
ghouls flooding the sidewalks. coffee,
cigarettes,
music, and the blank page. ten years
of
changes that never came, ten years of
dissipating
into the fantasies of a
better
tomorrow. it’s when the
first
lowball of Four Roses is poured that
everything
begins to
make
some sense. everything’s still
the same
but encapsulated by a refulgent
film of
hope.
getting
drunk and
rowdy,
it’s how
every
night must
be
spent, otherwise why
are we
alive? Dionysus preached
this two
millennia ago, it still
rings
true, despite the honest attempts of
many a
teetotaler to convince us that
hooch is
evil.
ancient
drunkards
are still read, still influence
literature
and philosophy, while the
dries
vanish into the well of
history,
footnotes of footnotes at best.
I raise
my lowball of bourbon to
the
skies, to the Bar, to all the patrons
that
drank their visions into
reality
and now drink eternity
away; I
once stepped inside the
Bar when
I OD’ed. now, I’m fighting
to make
sure the claim on that corner barstool
doesn’t
diminish.
George Gad Economou -
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