Subtropics
Love is quiet
Quiet
Be strong heart
I’ve cried tears
that have
tasted like the rain
Woven into my tissues
are wildflowers
What are woven
into yours?
I spoke to
the person in the cell
I went to bed with storms in my head
I called it a mistake then
And much later, a lesson
a choice
It’s summer
I feel the heat
beneath my skin
under my eyelids
I feed my father's cancer
tomato sandwiches
Dark
Dark
Dark
Here they come
The waves
Fear in my heart
for every word not said
every meal not prepared
when I saw blood
on the bandage
that covered your eye
Oh, mother
will you ever forgive me
for not listening to you?
Daily I write you poems
inside my head
that turn into
hymns, psalms
the Chopin melody turns into a river
the piano into a cold leaf
Dark
Dark
Dark
Here the waves come
I am left waiting for a miracle
in the dark
a spinster
with spinster thoughts
with spinster wants, needs and desires
even these fantasies
have tested me.
Overnight I turned into a museum
What is this weakness inside of me?
Yes, I realise I am weak
I realise
I have my limitations
Self, ego
The road is a miracle
It’s dark
I can’t seem to find my way
The older men are nice
They are kind
The men who are
as old as my father
have intellectual discussions with me
The women ignore me
Their laughter tastes like English mustard
That’s all
Decay
That’s all
that’s left of me.
I wait
for the chops
to defrost
on the countertop
growing older
colder, more afraid
in this
a time of questioning
I read my future
Counting my past’s sorrows
Anxiety’s pre-history
Mad with erosion in my soul
I think I understand
your shy tenderness now
The beast
and roots and the powers
of wilderness in you
Poetry is experience
Vertigo taught me that
I think of all my teachers
while the meat turns into metaphor.
The doorway
I make toast
with peanut butter
for you
it’s important
there are many
things that are important
these days
the light
in this room
for one thing
for another
the fact that you’re
awake
that I’m in the kitchen
making you
a late breakfast
Digging
Digging
Digging
While they dig
Yes, while those cancer cells dig, chip
anchoring away
I eat the sun
It drips down my chin
While the dog barks
Yes, while the dog barks
You’re quiet
So, so quiet
Into the loathed
strangeness of cancer
They curl then dance, curl
and dance away into mitochondria
Into the strangeness
of tissues and organs
the groaning of the body
its atoms
all of its dimensions
Into the holistic awareness
of those cells
Daddy, I hope
these berries heal you
Take this
and accept this mug
of green tea
this offering,
this machine
My love is like
ginger and honey, these bees’ rage
will nourish you
The ginger
will behave
like ointment, honey a salve
a balm
I keep meeting
your gaze in maps
Drinking in the fear
and anguish in your eyes
You see, it matches my own.
It matches my own
The doorway becomes
a passage, nobody sees my tears.
And you, dad,
becomes a new creation
While the machine performs a scan
on you
I am frozen
You’re a sphere
A flat grassland
The back of my hand
Neverland
One day you’re never
Coming back to me
You won’t be walking
through the front door
The grief and longing here
how sweet you are
how faithful
Never leave daddy
Never leave me, my beloved
Strange bones
What strange love this is
A daughter’s love
To optimism and hope
For its appearance in my life
This is me remembering you
And for the memories
All the memories
That you will leave behind.
By Abigail George
No comments:
Post a Comment