Fingel's Bad Luck - Short Story by Ken Kapp

 

Fingel's Bad Luck

Short Story

by Ken Kapp 

 

Dame Marion was determined to be married before the season at Bath was over. There were arrangements to be made and caterers to be engaged. And while it would not be the event of the season, the story of the miraculous saving of her baby by Fingel Mc’ Swingel was well known.  

Fingel had continued his versifying, enhancing the event so that it was as if he had snatched the baby out of a raging river and not from a bassinette where her bastard boy was splashing happily while he was dallying with Dame Marion’s Maid in Waiting. 

He was a proud man from humble stock and was more than willing to be feted by Dame Marion’s friends who wanted to meet the hero and poet. She had new clothes made for him and they paraded about Bath, their hands linked, the Maid in Waiting carrying the baby so all could see not a hair on his head was harmed. 

Fingel was asked to pose for a painting honouring the occasion in the clothes he had worn that day. He had not put them on again worried that there would be traces of his encounter with the maid. After the rescue, as his clothes were wet, he was offered new raiment which he gladly put on. At first chance he rushed from Bath to his campsite where he hurriedly kicked them under a pile of vines leaves not recognizing that they were poison ivy. The oils were still active and since he had put on weight whilst tarrying with Dame Marion, they were now a tight fit. 

Stuffing himself into them, he managed to spread the oils over his body. By evening, horrible rashes had broken out all over his body. Doctor's were consulted, some suggested making use of the Bath waters, but these increased the itching and by scratching, the rashes became infected. 

Fingel tried his best to ignore the pain and pustules that now covered most of his body. He continued to versify and started a song, “Poison i-ivy, poison i- ivy…” but never got past the first two words. 

He died before the week was out. The special cloth that was supposed to cover the wedding table now served as the pall on his coffin.  

Dame Marion was told she should proceed the coffin to the cemetery since they had not married. Fingel would have been happy to know that his funeral was mentioned in the London Gazette under a heading that read: 

                   The Bride went before the Pall. 

It was only later that people remembered how Fingel had put on airs above his class and changed it: 

                   Pride goes before the fall. 

It is this latter version that remains with us and few remember Fingel Mc’ Swingel and his heroism. Others with less charity claim that it was not poison ivy that did him in but an STD, but that song has yet to be written.

Kenneth M. Kapp - Ken was a Professor of Mathematics, a ceramicist, a welder, an IBMer, and yoga teacher. He lives with his wife in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, writing late at night in his man-cave. He enjoys chamber music and mysteries. He's a homebrewer and runs white water rivers. His essays appear online in havokjournal.com and shepherdexpress.com.

Please visit http://www.kmkbooks.com.