Two Poems by Marie C Lecrivain

 

The Star (XVII)

 

(Smith-Waite Tarot )

 

It’s been said

a shower is better

than a bath,

when one wants to wash away

shame and depression,

but you disagree

as you slowly 

submerge one foot

into the cool forgiving water.

 

Afraid to pollute 

what is a new beginning,

you keep the other foot

firmly planted on the earth,

and watch your image

pale, naked, and melancholy,

shimmer and ripple out 

into the universe

that is the water,

which welcomes your tears,

and cleanses your memory

of grief, regret,

and those things 

you always wanted to say,

but never made it

past the confines

of your lips.

 

This is the time 

to whisper 

your secrets 

into the wind,

which will carry them

to the stars,

your real family,

so far away—

they’ll always love you,

no matter what.

 

Saint Sinéad

 

I have a universe inside me…  Sinéad O’Connor

 

I.

 

1990.

As I drove from Kansas City

through hundreds of miles

of rocks and desert,

your voice glided through me 

as I travelled through

the searing September heat.

I listened to your stories

of pain, anger, and lost babes;

how you could still taste and smell 

their tender, ephemeral limbs.

All of this became part of my story,

since my cassette tape

of i do not want what I haven’t got,

became permanently lodged 

in the tape player.

 

It was a time in my life

where I was alone

but not lonely,

and I shared it with you.

 

II.

 

2,000.

This was the year 

I toiled for change,

and the love of a gaslighter

who continually kept me

on the verge 

of second guessing myself.

 

For every six out 

of seven summer nights,

I’d walk home from

my shitty waitress job,

a portable CD player in my purse,

headphones on my head,

and listen to you sing

about the universe inside you

filled with your other selves;

 

an independent woman

who called out those

who condemned you

to be alone,

 

the priestess who strove 

since girlhood,

for celestial connection,

 

and the soul who longed

for another to recognise, 

and reverence the totality

of what real love can be.

 

You gave me courage

to walk away from

the slave wage gigs,

low self esteem,

and the abuser 

who utilized love 

as a cudgel.

 

Your voice led me

to share my poems

and use my voice

to speak truth to power.

 

III.

 

2023.

I’m on the phone

with a client 

who has no idea

of my story,

 

when I see the news

that you’ve gone—

 

and it’s all there again,

the raw beauty of you,

 

the voice I turn to 

in the dark,

the heartache and elation 

you make me feel,

 

and I wonder

how will everyone

whose lives you saved

go on without you.

 

The universe inside me

contains all the good things

you gifted me,

a healing room

of my own making,

to hear you share

your bardic tales,

and hold you close

in remembrance

and gratitude. 

 

"Act passionately; think rationally; be Thyself." - Liber Librae

The soul, fortunately, has an interpreter -- often an unconscious, but still a truthful interpreter -- in the eye. - Charlotte Bronte

Marie C Lecrivain is a poet, publisher, and curator of two literary blogs: Dashboard Horus: A Bird’s Eye of the Universe (travel themed poetry and art), and Al-Khemia Poetica: A Women’s Art and Literary Journal. Her work has been published in California Quarterly, Chiron Review, Gargoyle, Nonbinary Review, Orbis, Pirene's Fountain, and many other journals. She's the author of several books of poetry and fiction, and editor of Ashes to Stardust: A David Bowie Tribute Anthology (2023 Sybaritic Press, www.sybpress.com).