Awakening
In
the beginning was the word. Just one word, one single, shining, breathless,
pulsing pregnant word, the DNA of all meaning, all life, all past, all future,
time without end.
In time, that pulse breathed life
into dust, the whole became part and humans walked the earth. And as they were
fragments, so too was their world, their meaning, and the word became words.
Nonetheless, there were some that
retained, deep in their essence, that awareness that words are tiny sparks,
microcosms of that great and glorious conception. And they loved words, the
mystery and the beauty, knowing that they were a strange and beautiful
recollection of that halcyon time before existence, and a promise that one day
they would return there.
From her first breath, Christabel
knew such truths; could read them written into the very fabric of her being and
her world. In the ebb and flow of waves beyond her window, in the steady rhythm of the lighthouse, in the rise and
fall and harmonious cadence of her parents’ voices, she felt the pulse of
her heart, the heart of every living creature, mirroring the silvery
contractions of the universe in one eternal, ever-expanding throb of pleasure.
As she grew older: metamorphosis.
Woman to tigress, woman to deer, woman to dove. Eventually, her incarnations
coalesced; hunter and hunted; savage and civilised; fierce and peaceful. And
words, the juxtapositions and conjunctions; metaphors and metonymies; rhythms
and rhymes, the brilliant sparks unified her aspects into one glorious whole:
woman.
And she loved.
Her desire now was to share her
words with those that could not feel the sparks. She was not particularly concerned
about fame, or recognition, or money. She was not excited by success nor afraid
of failure. In her deepest being, she wanted to create beauty, to engender the
sublime, to bring forth the tranquillity of harmony. She wanted to speak,
wanted to write. She knew that was her destiny, her gift, what she was born to
do.
But woe - man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upwards.
It happened.
Afterwards, raging serpents writhed and
twisted around her head. They coiled around her throat, stopping her voice, as
their hands had done.
Silence held an unspeakable, unbearable truth.
Words fled; without them thoughts died still-born, unformed. A flickering streetlight, a cracked pavement - memories,
tissue-thin and gauzy, ruptured, bled away. Soon, only a shadowy silhouette of
the memory survived.
And the world, oblivious, went on.
Christabel did not grieve. She did not
recognise the unutterable sense of loss, of absence, of wrongness. She did not
feel the suffocating silence, a gag smothering her. She
did not hear the gulls scream, nor smell the sour stench of rank, reeking
bladder-wrack on the nearby beach, nor see the desiccated cigarette butts
discarded carelessly on the floor. She did not acknowledge that she could
no longer bear to look at herself.
She did, however, know anger, a blazing pyre
in the night.
It hissed and spat, a sibilant whisper if any
dared approach her. Hard eyes turned men to stone if they dared look at her;
she could not bear their appraisal, nor control the nameless rage that being
trapped in their gaze elicited.
For a time she was swallowed up, lost alone in
the depths. In the cavernous darkness she cowered; sea-snakes twining, binding
her, an impenetrable, entangling net. Spasmodically, she submerged, sinking, thrust
down to the stony sea-bed of vile and savage beasts, only to fight her way up
and then be forced down again. Gravel scraped-
It seemed impossible that there should ever be an end to it. Until one day, the time came for the depths to disgorge their contents into the cool, clear air.
Like a new-born babe, parchment-pale, scrunched in a ball, she emerged into the light.
She unfurled, rising gloriously into a new
day. Before her, the shining face of the depths gleamed, smooth and glassy.
A mirror.
It was time.
She stepped forward, turning the gaze that had
turned men into stone upon herself.
She saw her silhouette first, the rippling,
sinuous movement of her hair. Then light washed over her and she saw them;
serpents glowing and gleaming, twined red, bronze, gold; a glorious, terrible
beauty, an elemental power. The shadows fled. She understood.
No hissing now, but a susurration of beauty
and longing and anger and sorrow and yearning. The serpents uncoiled from her
throat; her lungs filled with cold, pure air.
Words washed through her, sparklingly beautiful.
Her voice returned, and with it hope, destiny, a future.
Metamorphosis: woman to tigress, woman to deer, woman to dove, woman to serpent. All in her now, all parts of one single, shining, breathing whole. Woman.
And where there had been congealed silence,
words now flowed like golden lifeblood; gleaming words of innocence and
experience, purity and power, horror and hope: their brilliant beauty a
consolation from pain.
And as she spoke the sparks swirled like
prayers into the sunlit air, a hymn of hope and comfort. Ash
turns to flame.
An instinctive and indelibly beautiful piece of what it takes to be woman.
ReplyDeleteYour absolutely wonderful, what a brilliant piece of work that’s been produced well done hazel so proud
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