One Prose Poem by Pea Flower Tomioka

 

Allegiance

 

My first allegiance is to our son

Born of the passion that I cast these nets to reclaim

Ink blots on manufactured pages

As though I’m not capitalizing on the depths of our passion.

 

My first allegiance is to our son

Trying to prepare him for a world I still don’t know how survive

Trying to secure him his own future, as though I was not robbed of my own at such a young age

To be the parent I needed when I was his age

So I trust my husband to steer the boat while I go below decks and play just one more game of Go

Fish, that little boys bright eyes shining like his father’s, reflecting my own blue oceans back up at me.

 

And we coast for a little longer

 

He doesn’t know how the world burns.

But to prepare him, robs him of this time when his innocence can wander free, safe from cruelty and

heartbreak. I don’t want his fingers singed. Not yet.

 

“I’ll tell him when he’s older”, is the greatest lie a parent can tell themselves

In the barest hours of the morning

When we lay restless as the dawn barely stirs in the sky. I see the palm fronds etched in ink, bleeding

into a sky that softens to threaten brilliance sooner than I hoped

And I know today could be the day I stop lying to myself, but no. No, Go Fish is too young. Still too

young.

 

And I roll to embrace my Blue Jay, pulling him sleepy inside me, wiping clean the lies we tell ourselves

with the slow pace to which those lies are born.

Pea Flower Tomioka (she/fae) is a queer and disabled multidisciplinary artist focused on building a platform through transformative art and positive erotica to help victims of sexual violence reclaim their power.  She lives on a small island and hides from loud noises.  @peaflowertea, across platforms.  PeaFlowerTomioka.com.